Creating a Life That Aligns: No More Performing, Just Becoming

How much of your life is curated for approval? And how much of it actually feels like you?

In this episode of The Rich Auntie Podcast, we dive into the difference between performance and presence. You’ll learn:

• What true alignment looks and feels like
• Signs you’re out of sync with your values and energy
• How “being the strong one” and “doing it all” keeps you from becoming HER
• What happens when you stop living for applause and start living in truth

This is the messy, beautiful, powerful middle.
 This is where healing begins—and HER is born.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction: Curating Your Life for Approval
• 0:21 Welcome to the Rich Auntie Podcast
• 0:58 Understanding Alignment
• 3:26 Signs You're Out of Alignment
• 11:21 The Impact of Performance Culture
• 14:07 Motherhood and Identity
• 21:07 Becoming HER: Healed, Evolved, and Rich
• 28:18 Introducing HER Collective HQ
• 36:19 Conclusion: Embrace Your Richest Life

Transcript

 how much of your life is curated for approval? I. Now be honest. Like how much of your life is truly aligned with who you are as a person, you know, without the applause, without the filters, without the shoulds, oh, I should do this, or I should do that because you guys fill in the blank.

 Welcome to the Rich Auntie Podcast. Your host Kea Valentin will guide you on your journey to financial freedom, business success, and a luxurious lifestyle. Get ready for expert tips, inspiring stories, and practical advice to help you live your richest life. Let's dive in.

Welcome to another episode of the Rich Auntie Podcast. I'm your host and favorite Rich Auntie Keia Valentin.

I'm really excited about what we're about to talk about today because it's something that's so important to how we live our lives, and that is alignment. And so alignment is living in sync with your values, your morals, your desires, your energy, the seasons you're in, and just how the seasons change. You know, sometimes we need to change.

Alignment with some things, some friends, um, some lifestyles, right? And as we become more of who we are and the best versions of ourselves, we need to realign. And so that's really, really important. And so there's a season for alignment in everything. And so alignment is not, is also not about being perfectly balanced.

You know, I gave up looking for balance a long time ago because I realized that it does not exist. And if someone is out there saying that, you know, we can have a balanced life, you know, please show me that person. I would really love to see what their life looks like because. Balance is a myth and it's not a bad thing to be unbalanced, right?

It's it that's not a terrible thing, even though sometimes people look at it in that way. But alignment is not about balance. It's about living in harmony with who we are as people. And so, you know, harmony is something that is so beautiful, right? When you hear the harmonies in music and everything, and when you hear it, everything.

Feels at peace, and it feels good and it feels still. And so when we're living in alignment, that's how our life should feel to us, right? And so I find that a lot of people also get alignment mixed up with B being busy. Like doing the busy work, doing this and doing that, and you know, all of that stuff.

But alignment is not about checking off all of your goals, okay? Just because you check out, check off all of those goals does not mean that you're in alignment either. And so alignment is something that we all should definitely aim for in our lives because it does give us a happier, more fulfilled life.

Life when we are aligned with who we are and you know who God wants us to be, right? And, and whose we are. Like we always say who you are and whose you are. And so let's talk about, um, some signs that you are out of alignment because, you know, noticing these signs I feel would be so beneficial to everyone.

And the first sign is you are burnt out even though you get rest. Now, this is not saying that if you take a power nap like me the other day, I took about a 20 minute nap because I was tired and I was like, you know what? I need to take this nap. Because I was just feeling so drained and so I went and took a nap.

I kid you not when I woke up the next. The next 20 minutes, I felt worse than when I went and took a nap. And so that happens, right? I was like, I might as well have just stayed up because what was the point of the nap? So, but that's not the kind of burnt out we're talking about, and that's not the kind of rest we're talking about.

When you're out of alignment, you feel burnt out with life. Like, I don't care how much you rest. I don't care if you go on vacation. I don't care what it is that you do. For some reason you feel burnt out. With life like you have, you lack the energy, you lack the enthusiasm, you lack, like just the excitement about waking up every single day and getting after it.

You know, there's something that is missing or something that's misaligned, that's not giving you what you need, right? And so that's what we're talking about when we talk about burn being burnt out even after you rest. All right, so the next one is, the next sign is. You say yes even when your body is screaming.

No. And so do you know sometimes when people ask you to do things like they may ask you, Hey, you know, uh, I wanna go here, come go with me. I. And you know that, you know that, you know, you do not wanna do that. You absolutely don't. Like every fiber of your being is saying, I do not want to do this. But you say yes anyway, right?

For whatever reasons. Maybe you're a people pleaser, maybe you feel like you weren't, um, gonna be kind if you didn't say yes or whatever the case may be. But now. You're misaligned, right? You're not in alignment because everything in you was telling you that you did not want to do that, but you still decided to go against that instinct and that inner wisdom, and you still decided to say yes and so.

If you're someone that says yes all the time, you need to figure out when you need to say no. Okay? Because you'll be, um, out of alignment. Now the next one is over committed, doing too many things for too many people. I know some of you're like, okay, she is definitely talking to me. All right, so I'll give you an example.

And you could apply this to to life, right? When I come inside of my house, I have three little boys, and when I come inside the house, no matter what's going on in my life, as soon as I step foot in the door, I have three children saying, mommy. I need you to see this. I need you to see that. And they're all doing different things, and they all want me to look at this thing that they're doing at the same time.

And so before I would do my best to, you know, just run around to them and check everything out. Now when I come inside, I'm like, all right, I know you guys want me to see some stuff, but. I need to go to the bathroom. 'cause that was my goal. I needed to come inside and I needed to go straight to the bathroom, but now I have to make all these pit stops right now.

This means them like a simple explanation, but isn't that similar to life? Right. You have a goal and you have somewhere that you're heading, wherever that is, and then you have all of these people saying, Hey, come look at this. Hey, come look at that. Hey, I need you to do this. Hey, I need you to do that.

Right? I know some of you feel me? And so I. You overcommit yourself. You spread yourself so thin, and then you don't have time for yourself or you never made it to your destination. You never got there because you were so consumed with all of the other agendas everybody else had for you. Okay. That means you're not in alignment because you're getting pulled in all of these different directions and you've already lost sight of where it was, where you were heading in the beginning.

Alright, so Overcommitted, doing too much for too many people is another one. Another sign that you're out of alignment is living in resentment. This is a big one for a lot of people. You're living in resentment and you feel emotionally flat. Like you resent your partner for where you are in your life, even though it's not their fault and or maybe not entirely right?

You resent the decisions that you've made in your life, but you just resent where you are. If you have that resentment building up in you, and if emotionally when you're supposed to be. Excited. And when you're supposed to be excited about life, you just don't feel excited, you know, maybe you're out of alignment.

Okay. And this is not complaining, right? Because sometimes people will say, oh, this person is ungrateful. They should be happy. For all that they have or other people look on the outside looking in, they may say, well, gee, she or he, they got it all together. Like, why is she so ungrateful? Or why is he so ungrateful?

Right? Not realizing that you are just not in the place where. You are whole or where you need to be. You're not in alignment in spite of all of the things that's going on that look so great in your life. And so, you know, they say people you know live lives of quiet desperation a lot of the times. And that could be in you.

Just not living the life you feel like you were intended to live. All right? Now, of course, there could be other reasons why you feel burnt out. There can be other reasons why you're over committed and all of that stuff, but the overarching reason is you really have to look at your life and you really have to ask the right questions, and you really have to figure out, is this who I am and is this who I want to be?

All right, so. These things, when you're burnt out, when you're resentful, and all of that stuff, that's not alignment, that survival mode dressed up as success. Okay? And we all know success is different for every single person. We all view success differently. What I look as successful, you may not look at that, but the point is, when you look at your life, do you feel successful?

In spite of what somebody else's definition is for you personally, do you feel successful? Is this a successful life for you? Okay. Are you in alignment with who you are and whose you are? Those are the things you need to act. So are you simply in survival mode? You're just doing what you need to do in order to get where you need to get to.

That's not even where you need to go. You know what I mean? So I hope you guys are feeling me on this, but that's not being in alignment, that's success. That's, um, survival mode dressed up as success. Okay? And I know why we end up here. I know why we, we get to these places that we get to that we're not supposed to get to or not supposed to go.

And it's because of performance culture. We are living in a society and we're living in a culture where we play roles, right? We all have those roles and those titles and all of these different things. And, you know, we're performing. We're not actually living authentically, but we're, we're performing. And, and some of you have been taught these roles, right?

And some of these may seem familiar. It's the strong friend. It's the fixer. You're the person that comes in and fixes everybody's problems. Okay? You're the boss chick, right? You are the good girl or the good girl gone bad. Yeah, I, I've been there, I've definitely been, been on the Good girl gone bad side, you know?

But it's all of these different titles and all of these, um, roles that we play, but they're at our essence and at our core, that's not, uh, really who we are. Now, what about this one? The woman that does it all with a smile and no help. Anybody familiar with that role? You know, or maybe the guy, right? The guy that does it all with a smile and no help, but the woman that does it all with a smile and no help.

I mean, we wear it like a badge of honor, right? And everybody is applauding, and I don't know about y'all, but everybody needs help, every single person. And it's okay to ask for help, but sometimes we play these roles so well, and we are so committed to these roles that we become less committed to who we truly are as a person, as a being, as a spiritual being, having an earthly experience, right?

And we're so committed to playing these roles that we forget our essence and we forget our purpose, and we forget so much about ourselves. Well, here's the reminder today. Okay? And so, you know, we get an applause for it. Like people clap for it and we wear it as a badge of honor. But at the end of the day, it's not who we are.

Because behind that performance is a woman or a man that is just tired of pretending that is looking for peace in their life that is tired of pleasing people. Okay? And if that's you and you're not taking account for that, and if you're not making changes, you're just going to continue to play that role for the rest of your life.

And when the movie ends. You as the actor, that is your life. That's the end of the movie. It's over, it's done. And everybody will stand and give a standing ovation, but that will be the end of your story, right? And so I. Let's talk about it. So, uh, I did a Mother's Day post, um, for my mom. Oh my gosh, I have an amazing mom.

I have amazing parents, period, and I absolutely love them, and they've done so much for me. And then being a mom myself, I said, wow, I could only imagine, you know what my mom and my dad, but you know, I'm talking about Mother's Day. So what my mom had to. Endure and what she had to do, you know, as someone that now has a child or children 'cause of, um, me and my sister and, you know, just putting aside her hopes and her dreams in, in some instances to, you know, raise us up and, and bring us into this world and all of that stuff, and just all of the sacrifices, pretty much.

And as I thought about that, and as a mom myself, I was like, wow. It takes a lot to be a mom. Right. But I wanted to shed some light on, like when I did the post, I wanted to shed some light on, hey, it's not always the glitz and the glamor. You know, like sometimes it's, I. You don't feel like doing stuff or you are hiding from your kids.

So I made a joke at the end about me hiding in the bathroom. And y'all, I was really in the bathroom sending that post. Like, for real? For real. But just to show you that here I am as a mom hiding in the bathroom. Okay. So I could send a post because I have three little humans that follow me everywhere, even into the bathroom.

Okay. And it's just like. I wanted people to see that those roles that we play and the things that we do, were so much more than that role. Sometimes we are that person that needs to hide from our loved ones, hide from the world. Sometimes we are the person that falls apart. Like, it's okay. I don't ever want to wear motherhood as yes, as a badge of honor, but not as a badge of sacrifice.

You know what I mean? Where I just sacrificed my entire life. Uh, for my children, and I know some of you are ready to, you ready to come through the screen for me and say what, what do you mean being a mom is about sacrifice? Yes, it is definitely. But I. Let's be real. We can do things that allow us to still maintain our identities outside of being a mom.

Okay? Dads do it all the time. You know, they, they have hobbies, they have things that they like and all of that stuff, but for some reason, I find that with a lot of women, oh, we wanna do sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice for this person, sacrifice for that person. Get pulled in this direction, get pulled in that direction, and then it's the end of our movie.

And you know, and yes, we have our children and yes we have people, uh, there for us, but we never truly got to live out our purpose as well. And so, you know, the mom guilt, right? A lot of moms, they feel that guilt for wanting to do more and be more and experience more. And I'm just here to say like, that's cool and all.

If you wanna wear that as a badge of honor, and that's great, but just understand you are so much more than that. And when you just play that one role in your life, you're not in alignment. Because before you were a mom. You were a woman before you were a woman. Bef you were a little girl before. You were a little girl, you were a soul, okay?

And we're so much more than that. And so I don't, I, I'm, I'm gonna definitely sacrifice for my kids, but I'm definitely gonna make sure that I also sacrifice for myself and do things and live out God's purpose and desire for my life. You know what I mean? Because I got work to do and so do you like We all do.

And so, you know, I was reflecting as I was putting this episode together and all of that stuff about, you know, when I was performing in my own life and, and playing those roles and I. You know, just feeling exhausted and feeling just disconnected. And what really shifted for me was I give my, gave myself the permission to pause and take a breath and say, Hey, hold on, hold on.

Like, who am I becoming over here? And then most importantly, who do I want to be? You know, I really had to sit back and, and think about that. And when I did that is when I began to walk in alignment. And when I. When I began to not just be successful by society's standards, but be successful by my standard and feel successful.

And feel the energy and wake up every morning like, I got stuff to do. You know? Like I gotta get after it, you know? But that's when you are walking in alignment. That energy comes from, I say only from God, because sometimes I be like, I don't know where the energy is coming from, but it's coming from somewhere, right?

It is definitely coming from God. And I'm like, it's because I'm walking in alignment. That is why I find the energy and the love to do what it is that I wanna do, and so I am her. You know when people say that's her. Yeah, that's me. I am definitely her and being her. Is not a a, a just you arrive. It's a constant working on yourself.

It's a constantly doing the inner work, asking yourself the questions, like the journey does not stop. It's constantly finding out like, do I still like this or do I prefer, or would I like to try something different? You know, it's constantly evaluating myself and my life and figuring out in this season of my life.

Not only what do I wanna do, how do I wanna feel, you know, like. Am I walking in alignment? Am I where I'm supposed to be at this point in my life? And it's not always where we believe we're supposed to be, right? Because you know, we, we always think we are supposed to be somewhere, and it's always, I'm supposed to be further than I am today.

That's, I hear that all the time and I'm like, well. You know, sometimes you're, you're exactly where you need to be because you need to grow as things you need to learn and all of that, so that when you get to where you think you're supposed to be, you're prepared for that as well, right? When you're walking in alignment, it's preparing you for the the next step or the next journey, and that's when you're in alignment.

Even though you may sometimes feel like you're supposed to be further ahead. It's okay. Figure out in that space and where you are right then and there, like what is the lesson I need to learn? Who do I need to become? What's the skillset, what's the feeling I'm looking for? It's all of these things. Um, you can.

Right. And so what does becoming her actually look like? Like, like what does that look like? I can tell you it looks messy. It looks like you're on the path and you're going and you're going to where it is, but, and you're so far gone, but you don't know what the next step is. Sometimes it looks like. Just a mess.

All right. Because you have some work to do on yourself. You have some inner work you need to do. It's, you know, not about having it all together. It's not about the glow up. Although the glow up is nice, I can tell you it is. Right, but it's the slow unraveling of who,

who. Society or who your parents or who your partner, who even, you know, who everybody expects you to be. It's about shedding those roles and, and shedding those expectations and truly figuring out at your core, like, who are you, right? Sometimes it is sitting in the stillness and the quietness so that you could hear your own voice.

For so long that voice has been drowned out by all of the noise, like all of the noise of people telling you who you should be, what you should be doing, all of that stuff. It's about still sitting in that quietness and that stillness and talking to yourself. And I know some people would say, well, that sounds like a crazy person.

You're talking to yourself. No, it's the person that. Looking for answers. You're looking for the answers of who you are. And if you don't, check in with yourself. If you don't evaluate, if you don't reflect, if you don't do any of these things, you're just gonna keep going through life on autopilot. You're just gonna do and get pulled every single which way, every way, but the way you need to go.

Okay? So it's sitting in that stillness. It's hearing your own voice above all the noise, and it's also hearing God's voice, right? Because sometimes there's so many different voices just hovering and just have you so confused. But it's hearing that voice of where you should be, who you should be, and all of that stuff.

Sometimes it's setting you boundaries. Some of you know, some of you need to set new boundaries. Sometimes it's reclaiming your power because for far too long you've just been giving it away, and sometimes it's your vision, like what is the vision you have for your life? And sometimes it's thinking about your joy and feeling the joy of life, right?

So becoming her is the evolution of self. It's about healing, it's about evolving. It's about becoming rich in every way that matters. All right, and so HER stands for Healed, evolved and Rich. That's how I look at it. And so becoming her is choosing alignment over applause, whether someone claps for you or not.

If you are in alignment with who you are, at your essence and at your core, the applause should not matter. Because at the end of the day, those that will be connected to you, those that are supposed to be in your circle and everything and, and you know, come along your journey because your journey and their journey is also in sync, it will happen.

So don't worry about playing the roles and just pretending and just performing. Be authentically you. Be yourself. And I'm telling you the ones who are authentically them. Are going to find you. And then for sometimes it's by you being authentic and letting your light shine. Others start to see themselves in that mirror, or they start to see their authenticity as well.

And so they come alongside also. And so don't worry about the applause. Choose alignment every single time. And so it's a sacred shift, you know, a shift from performing to being present. To being in presence. Right? And when you make that shift, like it changes everything because once you stop li living for the crowd and you start living in truth, that is when you can give way for peace.

You could give way for power, you could give way for prosperity, you could give way for all of that to finally come to the surface. And sis, if that's the season you're in. I have definitely built something for you. Those of you who know me, maybe you talk to me. Maybe, um, you know, and maybe it, it has even been briefly, I am always the person that, you know, I'm always cheering people on because I tend to see the, the greatness in people because.

I know who they are and who they are, and I, and I tend to see it even when they don't see it themselves. And so, you know, I'm always looking at it as, as I continue to rise and as I continue to be myself, then I'll attract more people and you know, more women as well. Guys, I love y'all too, but I genuinely.

I think because I live in a house with all men, that may be it. There's a lot of testosterone, you know, floating around here and it's just me. I'm the queen of the castle, but it's just me. And you know, thankfully I grew up with all sisters, which is awesome. So I understand what sisterhood is and I understand what community is.

And I understand what it's like to have someone cheer you on, what it's like to have someone push you. You know, I've been fortunate to have been surrounded by some amazing women, like the people in my circle. Man. I can tell you there are some powerhouses, but what I love most about them is that they're always cheering me on and vice versa.

They tell me when I'm wrong too, which I like because you know a lot of people, you know, sometimes people are intimidated or they don't wanna say, Hey, you know what? That's, that's not, that's not the best approach or, you know, that's not the best thing. And I just love when, and I'm sure you guys love, when you have someone in your corner and in your circle that they get you, they understand your heart and everything.

And, and they're okay with also letting you know when, Hey, that's wrong. Or, you know, just guidance. Right? Or, or just. Giving you a nudge, and I love that. And many of us, if you don't have friends like that, like you need to find some because they are. More precious than silver and gold, and I love every last one of them.

And so I built something for you, you guys. I built something for the women here. You know, it's called her Collective hq. HQ meaning headquarters, and it's all where alignment meets sisterhood, and it's where you go to grow. It's where you go to build, it's where you go to heal, and it's where you go to evolve alongside women.

Who get it. Okay? Because you want the right circles of people in your life, and it's a space where you don't have to choose between your ambition and your wholeness. Because as women, a lot of the times when we're too ambitious or they like to call us bossy, right? And when we're too ambitious, you know, that's a problem.

And for me, I don't feel like we need to negotiate or we need to shrink, um, who we are. To fit somebody else's mold or their scenario, right, of who they think we should be. And so you can be ambitious and you could still be whole. Don't let society tell you you could only be one or you could only have one.

You can't have your cake and eat it. Two, because by all means. You absolutely can. And so, you know, with her collective hq, you don't have to negotiate, you don't have to shrink for anyone. You can be your ambitious self and you could also grow and be your whole self. And so we're just days away from opening the doors and I'm so excited because I've been working on this for a minute.

And those who are very close to me, and you know, they've been asking me every single day, Kia, how's it going? Because they know what I've been working on for a long time. And so for the first 100 women, what we're gonna do is you're going to receive founding member pricing. Okay. And you get lifetime access to everything that's included in her collective.

And for our founding members, it's only $29 a month. And you guys know I'm a stray shooter, so I'm always gonna tell you pricing and everything because I want you to understand and. Why I always tell people it's okay to charge for things is because if there's no transaction, sometimes there's no transformation.

And what do I mean by that? A lot of the time when people pay for things. They tend to take things more seriously than when you just give it away for free. And so, I mean, $29 is not a lot in terms of, you know, it's really how you treat it, right? Or how you look at it and how you take advantage of the opportunity.

And so even though it's only 29, I wouldn't look at it like that. I would say, wow, I have access. To mentorship, I have access to community. I have access to resources and tools that's gonna help me level up my life. That's how you should be looking at it, right? But lifetime access, $29 a month. And this offer is for the women who say yes early.

To tomorrow's price is not what? What is it? Today's price is not tomorrow's price. Okay. Because of the value. And once those a hundred women come in, I'm gonna close off the membership simply because we have work to do. Right. I. We we're getting in there, we're building you as a person, we're building, helping to build your brand, and we're helping to build your business.

And so for those of you, I know there are some women, you don't have a business as yet, but you wanna build your brand. I know there are some women, you have a brand, but you don't have a business. And you're trying to figure out, okay, what's the tools? What do I need to do next? And I know for some of you, maybe you feel like you don't have a brand.

Everybody has a brand, but maybe not a social media presence, but you wanna build yourself. Maybe you need to heal, maybe you need to evolve in some way. Maybe you don't know which way to go and you're still trying to figure things out. That is where building you comes in, because building you, your brand and business with all of that working together.

Is how you create a powerhouse woman, right? Or how you create a healed, evolved and rich woman. And when I say rich, I mean rich in every way that matters. I'm not just talking about financially rich, rich in community, rich in relationships, rich in all of these things that make a great life. So tap the link, you know, in the show notes or the description, because I'm gonna post it here shortly and join the wait list in a few days.

I'm gonna open it up to everyone. I only have a hundred spots, so share it with a friend. If you feel like you want them to be in there with you and you want them to have this experience, and you want them to be able to transform themselves, their brand and their business alongside you for founding member pricing, okay?

Because once we open it back up, the price will go up. But guys, I mean, you're, you're becoming the woman you're becoming. You need a space. You need a room, you need a place to be able to evolve, to grow, to be in your softness, to be in your truth, to be a woman, right? And so you've, you've been performing long enough.

I don't know if you're tired. I don't know if you're tired of being not in alignment or misaligned. I don't know if you're tired of waking up every day and saying, you know what? I don't feel fulfilled. Not just today. Most days I, I don't know what's missing. For some of you, it may be like me who need a community, right?

And I'm so grateful for my community and my tribe because God knows I don't know where I would be today, you know? And so we are here to pass it along. But sis, if you're tired of performing and you have performed long enough, you know, let this next chapter be rich. Let this next chapter be whole and let this next chapter be yours.

Like, let us write this intentionally with intent and with alignment, because every chapter up to this point, whatever those chapters may have been, maybe you enjoyed watching those, the movies of your life or reading the chapters of your life. Maybe you did it, but for this next chapter. Let this be the one that changes the game, the one that allows you to level up and level up authentically yourself.

Not just playing a role, not just being who everybody wants you to be, but being authentically you. Let this chapter be not just your evolution, not just your healing, but your. Becoming of who you're supposed to be in this lifetime. Because once we close that book at the end of our life or once we turn off that film, right.

That's it. That's all we got. And I don't know about y'all, but I'm gonna enjoy every minute and every chapter. And I know, you know, that may sound like, oh, but we can't enjoy every chapter. Yeah. There are gonna be hard things that happen. Yes, life is gonna life, right. But within everything, when you have community, when you have alignment.

When you have Grace, right, because we need a lot of that, then you can get through those chapters and you may not get through unscathed, but you will get through with community, and that's the whole point of her collective hq. Don't forget the HQ because it's the headquarters. So thank you guys so much for tuning in today.

I hope that you continue to be rich in alignment and continue to be rich in community. This is your favorite Rich auntie signing out, and for those of you joining us in her collective, I look forward to seeing you on the inside. God bless.

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